GameGame: The Movie: The Podcast: The Game

The other day, as I woke up at 2 pm with a pounding hangover, I opened my computer as I am often wont to do whilst rousing my brain from slumber. What I found upon the screen of my laptop both shocked and amazed me. My entire file system had been rearranged by some demon who does not understand concepts like logic, simplicity, or not having 12 separate folders called "aaaaaaaaa" with differing capitalizations. While I was digging through the mess of looping self referential file trees, hastily downloaded memes, and a brand new surprisingly large folder dedicated to bad fan-fiction, I found a series of .txt files that allowed me to begin to reconstruct my poorly remembered alcohol infused actions of the past 72 hours. In between attempting to synthesize 16 different mutually incompatible "organize your computer better articles" and depleting my entire vodka shelf, I had written a video game. A game only described as GameGame: The Movie: The Podcast: The Game.

With the help of a bunch of "notes to self" taken in Text Edit, mostly of the form "YOOOO DUDE GOTTA FIX THE BUg on level 18 or else, aSLO yoU COdE BAD NERDDDdddD11!!1", I managed to locate and extract the game files from where they lay in a folder entitled "probably not porn", before choosing to wipe my computer and restore from backup rather than fix the mess I had made. Why restoring from backup took me over 27 sleepless hours, which I only faced sober because I was completely out of alcohol by this point, is a story for another time. 

Now possessing a game of unknown quality and design, I began to labour to unpack what I had found. I glanced at the code, and to my utmost horror, discovered I had once again reaffirmed the truth of the old adage: "one hour of drunken code is two hours of sober bug-fixing". However, thanks to the sheer scale of the calamity that had befallen me, I had discovered that in actuality, the adage was wrong. You see, the relationship isn't linear. No, it's exponential. 

Now, you have to understand that by this point, my phone was basically blowing up. I had been out of contact with everyone I knew, including my employer, for several days now, and they were rather keen to know if I had perished or what. So, naturally, I muted my phone, poured myself a steaming hot mug of hot chocolate, and sat down to partake in what I had made. And oh, my word! It was wonderful! Simply genius! It asked big questions, and challenged the very notion of gaming! Possibly the single greatest video game I had ever played, let alone written! I almost don't believe that I'm the one who wrote it.

Of course, it was bugged. Very badly bugged. Fixing it would require a regimen of playtesting and bug fixing more massive than anything I had ever attempted previously. I briefly considered attempting to undertake such a program of bug-fixing, but the sheer scale of how messed up the foundational code is was too much for me to handle sober, and as it was much past midnight by this point, the liquor store wasn't going to open for another 8 hours. With scant other options before me, and the chance I got fired for missing deadlines only increasing by the second, I took the coward's way out. With naught but some poorly written .txt files to guide me, I managed to slap enough paint and a fancy looking GUI over the whole thing, so that it actually looked like a bug free game, even if there was chaos behind the scenes. The result of this process is what you now have available to download, for free, in front of you. Enjoy.

Okay, cool story lady, but what even is GameGame?

I am so glad you asked! GameGame: The Movie: The Podcast: The Game is a game about the nature of gaming. GameGame exists in a wonderful space beyond the boundaries of genre and concept, and aims to make you question the very nature of reality. GameGame seeks to transcend the boundaries between fiction and fact, gaming and life. GameGame asks the big questions, like:

• What is a game?
• Does a game need a player?
• What is a game developer?
• Why do people play games?
• What is the point of games?
• Is this a game?
• Who are you?
• Why are you here?
• And many more besides

GameGame is not meant for and should not be played by children, the elderly, mature people, immature people, slightly mature people, anyone currently experiencing a midlife crisis, anyone with a sense of taste, anyone without a sense of taste, anyone who lost their sense of taste in a tragic accident that occurred in my kitchen on January the 23rd, 2020, The Amish, my parents, any current member of the Homestuck fandom, any former member of the Homestuck fandom, any of my exes (That means you, you know who you are), anyone who has ever had a crush on me, anyone who I have ever had a crush on, internet trolls, cishets, anyone who willingly self identifies as a "pokemon playing catgirl lesbian", sober people, dude-bros, frat-bros, "we're just friends"-bros, anyone who is at least marginally competent at sword fighting, anyone who thought that level 20 of Random Acts of Physics was a masterstroke, management students, engineers, enginerds, engis, dog people, anyone who uses finger guns in casual conversation, capitalists, anyone who can beat me in an arm wrestling match, anyone who failed to even crack a smile at reading this list, and of course, your mom.

Please consult a doctor before deciding if GameGame is right for you. GameGame is not meant for human consumption. In the event that GameGame is ingested, please contact the Centre for Poison Control. Do not induce vomiting. In the event of GameGame sessions lasting longer than 4 hours, please see your doctor. GameGame is flammable, and should not be exposed to fire. GameGame should be stored in a cool dry location. Do not refrigerate. For best flavour, use GameGame within 10 days of opening. If the safety seal has been broken, do not attempt to use GameGame. Parental permission is required to play GameGame. We, the makers of GameGame, are not responsible for any injuries or damages inflicted by GameGame upon you, your property, or your cat. Please do send us cat pics though. 

GameGame is best paired with a tall glass of a dry red wine, topped with two shots of vodka, a splash of rum, and a scoop of ice cream. The optimal way to enjoy GameGame is hidden below your bed, armed with little more than your laptop, a stolen half eaten chocolate bar, and a deep nameless terror that they might find you. The second most optimal way to enjoy GameGame is by a roaring fire in the middle of a storm, curled up against your lover, as you sip from your hot chocolate and watch your house slowly burn to the ground. 

GameGame deals with mature subject matters and themes. If you're under 18, stay the fuck out. GameGame, being a product of the deepest parts of my psyche, sometimes gets very dark. Please make sure you're in a healthy state of mind and have a functional support network before partaking in GameGame. 

And remember, please keep all masks on until the game has come to a complete stop, the chat can't help you now, and there are no walkthroughs. Good luck and have fun!

By proceeding past this point, you acknowledge you have read the above warnings in full, and understand the inherent risks in proceeding. Just in case you didn't though, please know that GameGame deals with mature themes and you should exercise caution when playing.